march 31, 2021 – worn out

I’ll be honest, I am pretty worn out today.

This was our first week back to school being full in-person with students. It’s also the end of the quarter.

My day was full of grading, running around, making sure students were getting their late stuff done, emails upon emails, phone calls, dealing with crabby people, etc. It truly never stopped once today.

Then, I had a hair appointment at 5pm, which basically took up the whole night including travel time.

I had planned to do grading tonight, and I just couldn’t do it, which means I am probably going to wing my plan for tomorrow.

I wanted to be able to tie off all my grades tomorrow for the end of the quarter and go into the weekend fresh with nothing to do. I went back and forth in my head, thinking, “Just push through tonight, get it done, and tomorrow you will be happy for it.” But, mentally and emotionally, I just couldn’t do it.

That isn’t real life. Things just usually don’t go the way you planned.

So, instead, I am going to show up tomorrow and tell my students just that. Life happened and I just could not do this all and be mentally well. We will have to adjust and change up our plan.

I want them to see my failures, my shortcomings, my mess ups, and my plans get completely derailed. I also want them to see that just because it didn’t go how I planned, it doesn’t mean I didn’t show up the next day and give it my all again.

In doing this, I take the risk of students taking advantage of this, and saying “Remember that one time you didn’t get things done…” I know that and I’ll be honest, I hate that. Especially when I’ve had a lot of students this year just not engaging at all and turning in blank assignments.

Sometimes, it can be hard to be this honest with them. I want to be perfect and I want to have everything tied up into a nice little bow.

As I’m writing this, I’m drifting off. I guess it’s time to call it a day. 🙂

love always, caitlin

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